February 2012
4 tags
[talking of how aye-ayes are so ugly they have to mate in the dark]
Lee Mack: Well that's how Jimmy mates.
Stephen Fry: Oh, now...
Lee: "I'm happy to do it, love, but it's gonna have to be with the lights off."
Jimmy Carr: Hahahaaaaaa... can't believe your wife told you that story.
[audience applauds]
2 tags
I'll probably end up marrying food. →
funniest10k:
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operator: 911, please hold.
me: stop murdering me for a sec; we're on hold.
murderer: ok
3 tags
2 tags
2 tags
4 tags
Playing Nintendo Wii...
Expectation:
Reality:
Teacher: A long time ago people thought there were only four elements. Can anyone guess what they were?
Me: Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished.
Teacher:
Me:
teacher: what?
Me: what?
When you're angry as f*ck and someone tries to...
heyfunniest:
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Dear makers of cherry medicine, →
funniest10k:
Have you ever tasted a damn cherry?
Sincerely, the world.
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2 tags
Coming into the bathroom after someone took a...
“Motherfucker didn’t even use air freshener!”
When I see something bad happen to the person I... →
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Imagine if Kingsley was a Teacher....
nenurplelove:
When a kid goes to the toilet:
When they get a question wrong:
Not doing their homework:
When someone talks over him:
When they come to class late:
Him on playground duty:
when the class is too noisy:
6 tags
triskaidecagon:
seeing your reflection when watching tv :/
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